Hurt....

Everything couldn't be worse.
It turned to be the worst.
He beat me.
Dad beat me.
Hard.
Just because he told me my Art teacher was a jerk and didnt allow me to study with him again, and I got mad.
I lost my control, completely.
So did he.

He beat me.
He wanted to kill me.
I told him to do so.
That I didn't want to live anymore.
That I'd rather die. I wanted to die. I always want to.
He almost did that.
I didn't mind. I didn't care.
I couldn't stop crying.
Then he said, I was no longer his daughter.
I didn't say a word. I was just crying. Crying. Crying.
Mom kept scolding, and scolding, and scolding.

I was no wrong. I was no wrong. No wrong no wrong no wrong.

They said, I was a liar.

Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar!

I was not. I am not. Not not not!

I had no idea since when I'd become a cryingbaby. Fuck! I am not a cryingbaby. I am not.
I am not...

a liar...

Never before, in my whole life, had I kept crying that much. Never. Ever.
So much. Too much, that I couldn't see anymore.

Going blind, everything was just a blur. Those colors seemed to fade into gray.

Crying crying crying.

I wanted to die. I was going to do so.
I had always lived for them, for them, for them.
For their sake!
But they didn't need me anymore.
I was just merely a worst person in the world.

A liar.

I became numb.

Mom kept scolding, scolding, complaining, complaining, comparing, comparing.
Stepping onto my dreams.
It hurt.

Hurt...

I kept unmoving. Laying there and closing my blinded teary eyes.
Crap, crap, crap, tears refused to stop shedding.

They left me alone. In the darkness.

Like I gave a shit.

Dad came, and apologized.

Godforsaken me!

Knowing too fucking well how damn much he loves me, I still couldn't control.
I know.
I know.
That he loves me.
He always does.
More than anything.
I realized, I was just a jerk.

Not a liar, but a sucker.

I didn't mind those bruises, those wounds...
I don't mind.
Because I deserve them.

It's okay. Everything is gonna be okay. Stop crying, oh please, stop crying.
Please!
I love Dad. And Mom, and my bro.
I always do.
I live for them, for them, for them.
And I will do until my very last time.

Even if they hate me.
I will still do live for them.
Cause I know, for sure, they love me.
It's just me hates myself.

It doesnt matter. I live for them. I die for them.
Just gimme some spaces....I need a break...
I need time,
to dry my tears.
Damn damn damn, I dont want to be a cryingbaby.
I am not a weakling!

Stop crying already, you jerk!

It still hurts...